Life as I know it

Dream: I would wake up the first day of retirement full of physical and creative energy, bounce out of bed and walk for 30 minutes, organize some files, have two great client calls and do whatever people do in their free time. I'd fix a gourmet dinner for Shel and I and eat on the deck enjoying a stimulating conversation.

Reality: I woke up dizzy from a sinus infection, didn't walk, got sucked into the new computer, got a virus notification an hour into trying to figure out the new system, which Shel then had to undo. Had two difficult client calls and questioned why I didn't just take the summer off. Resented not having free time and a million other things I chose to grouse about. Made bruschetta for dinner, which I ate alone while Shel wrestled with a project he needed to get done. Went to bed early.

Moral of the story: today is a new day.

Who knew?

Today is officially my first day of retirement. I retired on June 29 but had a house full of kids and grandkids until Saturday. Here's what I am noticing so far:

• sweeping the floor can be meditative
• a book can be read over a period of days, not just in how long it takes to fly from point A to point B
• having an open schedule can feel a bit like a free fall when you've been scheduled back to back for years
• there are no deadlines for anything (except may be taxes)

Last lecture

Here are some things I learned over time in my career. I share them now with hopes that you don't have to learn them the hard way.

Lesson One: That some battles aren’t worth fighting no matter how right you are. I bloodied my nose many times before I realized that getting my way didn’t matter as much as the relationships involved, and if I had the right relationships, the right things got done. Later I actually learned that there is no right way—just my way and your way. At least 50 % of our work-related drama starts with the word ‘they’, as in “they don’t get it!”

Lesson Two: That soft skills are really the hardest to teach. I’m proud of the fact that there is some awareness now that the important skills can’t be taught in a “lunch and learn” or by using a leader’s guide, but need to be coached over time. Stay the course on this one, please!

Lesson Three: That it is smarter to go where the energy is than to try to change the world. This one came to me slowly and in waves. I’d get it and then get all puffed up again about a great idea that I knew would save the firm and then wonder why I had a bruised forehead. Learn to recognize real buy-in, not lip-service, or what I coined “the executive nod”. Realize that in a partnership you can’t get anything big done without a committed sponsor. Find your champions and lock arms. And, remember that in this firm, leaders come and go. Deliberately build a broad sponsor base for what you value.

Lesson Four: That everyone is hungry to be seen and heard and just as afraid as you are to be vulnerable. Oh, the conversations I’ve been privy to! When I taught coaching at EY, I’d hear APT professionals say, “But I can’t have that kind of conversation with a leader.” News flash: the leaders are the hungriest to have those conversations, but just like you, they need to feel safe. Be safe.

Lesson Five: That true leadership vision is rare and courage even rarer, but if you find a leader with both, he/she will have vocal critics and could use a friend. Given the success of the firm, I was amazed at what seemed to me to be the short-term focus of many of our leaders and their propensity to herd mentality. I suspect that it stems from their operating in a fiscal world that is measured in quarters and that as accountants they are trained to manage risk. However, I believe that true leaders stand on a foundation of operational excellence, but see what is possible and motivate others to do what hasn’t been done before. Those leaders will feel scared and alone in their boldest moments. Cheer them on!

Lesson Six: That change often provides the greatest opportunities. I learned early in life not to be afraid of change, but to trust that I would land on my feet. I had the honor of wearing seven different hats in my 13 years at EY—sometimes more than one at a time—and many of those hats were given to me because I recognized a need and boldly said, “I can do that”. Fortunately, in most cases, I actually figured out how to do it once I got the hat! I get tired of APT members asking me about career paths. To me, defined career paths are boring. Well-worn paths soon become ruts. Listen to what the firm needs and look for the intersection of those needs with your interests and talents. Then tell somebody who cares. They are out there and waiting for you to raise your hand.

Lesson Seven: That sometimes all we do is plant seeds. The outcome of our work is so intangible. We don’t make widgets. We don’t even close the books on a quarter. We help people deal with challenges. I’ve had conversations that I didn’t think amounted to anything, only to have someone tell me years later, “Remember when you told me X? It changed my life”! Not only do I not remember having said that, unfortunately, sometimes I don’t even recognize the person!

I recently had a conversation with a retired EY leader that underlined for me how hard we are on ourselves if we don’t see immediate results to complex issues. So much so that we sometimes fail to appreciate how important the seeds are that we’ve planted. I was trying to tell her how many people have commented to me that she changed the direction of their careers and all she could say was that she was so glad to not be beating her head against the wall anymore on the initiative she tried to push.

We do our best every day and can only hope that it makes an impact. If you want something more tangible, take up knitting.

Lesson Eight: That perseverance is the number one quality for your success. I hold the firm’s record for the number of white papers written on a single topic. At one point I gave up using a blank document and started cutting and pasting from things I’d written years before. No one noticed.  Timing is everything. The America’s Executive Coaching Team is an overnight success—only 13 years in the making!

Lesson Nine: That if you lead from your ego, or conversely, need external validation, you should find another job. Two sides of the coin are expressed here. I will never be comfortable with people who lead from their ego, especially in roles like ours. (And be especially cautious of people who repeatedly tell you that they don’t lead from their ego!) I’ve been known to say, “Get over yourself” or “It’s not about you” to myself and to many new coaches.

The biggest struggle for me, though, was the other side of the coin—the need for validation. I’m a recognition whore. I love being praised and like it even more in public. What I’ve learned, though, is that excellence is only the price of admission at EY and that like the husband who told his wife when she asked why he didn’t tell her he loved her—“I told you once. I’ll let you know if it changes”—praise is a scarce commodity at EY. Don’t go to a dry well looking for water. If you need validation, surround yourself with people who know how to show appreciation. And be one of those people yourself.

And, finally…

Lesson Ten: That the average consultant—PC, DC, PL, COE leader—has a shelf-life of about seven years unless you are a voracious learner. Hopefully, you came into your job because of a level of expertise. However, if you aren’t constantly building that expertise, at the end of 7 years you have one year of experience 7 times instead of 7 years experience that deepens your foundational knowledge. The world changes fast and you have to change, not to keep up, but to keep out in front. It’s great if you have the budget to attend a conference a year, but if you don’t, that’s no excuse for not learning. There’s a wealth of information available online, in books, free or cheap telecourses and as a by-product of conversations with your really smart colleagues. I read a great quote about aging that relates to what I’m talking about here: “aging is inevitable; it starts when you are born; growing old is optional”.  Don’t stagnate; keep learning.

The final message I’d like to leave you with today is that others may continue to question your value, but you can’t afford to. You have great work to do and you don’t need permission or a project plan to do it. All you need is to care about this firm, its leaders, its people and each other and what needs to happen, will. I came into the firm wanting to make a difference and hoping to influence the direction we took. I’m not sure how much positive change I created, but I know how much I changed. Each of you in your own way influenced and changed me. I will always be grateful.

So, I will close with the immortal words of Kung Fu Panda—“Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this far!”

Thank you.

Last day at EY

It's been a very long time since I posted on this blog--mostly because I have been developing my new website/blog: www.coach-craft.com. I've also been wrapping things up at EY. I transferred files I wanted to keep to a flashdrive. What a trip down memory lane. As I scanned each doc deciding what was worth keeping, it was like looking at old photos and recalling the past. Lots of hard work and, for the most part, good stuff. That reflection precipitated a real low until my youngest son (bless his heart) reminded me that my capacity to generate good work won't stop with EY. It belongs to me and is portable! Can't believe that was new insight.

I really let go of the pace, the work, the deadlines, etc over the month of May, which was a good gradual transition. On June 8th I delivered my "last lecture" to a group of Lead DCs and coaches. I will post it separately. On June 13th I had the party of all parties in Chicago. I could not even have fantasized such an event. It was perfect. Everyone celebrated. It will always remain a special life memory. Yesterday, I did a quick good-bye on a DC Network call and my voice broke just saying the word "good-bye". People have been so incredibly sensitive to how hard this transition is for me and have given me so many chances for closure.

So, today is it. I. fortunately, have my youngest son, his wife and two kids ages 7 and 2 here with all their big energy. They will carry me like a huge wave over the finish line. I'm sad, happy, tired, excited, scared and grateful all wrapped into one. I thought I would end this blog today, but today is just an event on the transition continuum. I will continue to blog about what surprises and delights me in the transition hoping that readers will benefit.

no pressure

It's been awhile since I blogged--mostly due to computer issues. I'm in the home stretch with less than a month left of work. I stopped setting the alarm. I wake up naturally to the birds and sunshine around 5 AM. There's a smattering of appointments on my calendar and one big project to finish. The pace is relaxed and I look forward to my calls as a chance to connect with people I care about and an opportunity to contribute. I wonder if it was always possible to approach work with this mindframe?

I had a session recently with a retiring partner and we were discussing life after EY and got into defining core values. Mine is definitely "contribution". The trick in retirement is to figure out how to express your core values in a new context. I can still contribute professionally via my writing (book, articles, blog), my coaching supervision (have 3 contracts already), occasional work with EY and some consulting with companies wanting to start a coaching practice. But the biggest shift--and I suspect the most satisfying--will be in how I contribute in my personal life. I'm really looking forward to more time with family and friends, focusing on my own health and fitness, my art and jewelry, cooking, whole days of reading, travel, genealogy research, gardening...and even housecleaning!

Life is good.

the voices

Followers of this blog are going to think I had a psychotic break! The message I'm getting lately is "take your time." I have several opportunities brewing for work post-retirement but I am not committing to anything. Several months ago the thoughts of having an open calendar really made me anxious. Now it feels like fresh air. I trust I will know the right thing when it shows up. In the meantime I am following my own advice and just taking care of myself. What a luxury to have this sense of openness to fall into.

Drained

I went to Oklahoma over Easter weekend to attend a party for a cousin who has prostate cancer that metastasized to his bones. The party itself was fun and he appreciated seeing me. Going there was definitely the right thing to do but I have been emotionally drained since then and I don't think it is directly related to telling him good-bye. This sounds really out there but I've had an overwhelming sense of someone stroking my hair and saying, "just rest." And resting is about all I can do. I'm exhausted.

I went from Oklahoma to a conference in Santa Barbara with coaching colleagues. Normally, I love the networking, but found myself putting people in two camps--those I would make the effort to stay connected to and those I would probably not see again. The sorting process made me sad. This seems to be a period of discernment for me where I am getting very clear on what and who is important to me. I hate to use the word "outgrowing" because it sounds like I am "better than" or "superior to". I don't mean the word in that sense, but I do feel I am outgrowing people and things in the sense that they no longer fit for me.

The Hudson Institute calls this transition phase "Cocooning". The old self dissolves before it can re-organize into something new. I sense that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to turn a caterpillar into a butterfly. Right now all I can do is "just rest".