Downturn

Really hard day yesterday. Several things happened to make me realize how little clout I have these days. I feel like a slightly daft old aunt who the team pats on the head with affection. I am used to voicing an opinion and being listened to. Legend in my own mind.

Reality check: I had a conversation with Barb today and she reminded me that what I experienced yesterday has actually always been the status quo and whatever else I thought was going on was just a pleasant illusion.

It's all an illusion, isn't it? Somehow that makes it easier.

Hard or soft?

I know the title of this post sounds like a counter worker's question in a taco restaurant, but it refers to something I'm noticing about myself lately. There is a shift in how I approach things at work that is more extreme than normal. It some respects I am hardening--more sure of what I believe, less reluctant to state my opinion, more willing to cut to the chase and less tolerant of BS. I doubt if that is surprising given I have less than 50 working days until retirement. However, what has surprised me is what I am labeling as a softening of my approach. May be I'm slowing things down, savoring exchanges. Whatever the dynamic, what I notice is that I am softer in my interactions with others. I think I am more thoughtful, more curious about their reality, more caring. I may have moved into a sentimental phase, but things seem less urgent, less edgy, less clear.

What a paradox!

Happy place

Do ya think my mood is shifting as I think about the close approach of my retirement? I'm starting to let go and look forward. One of the things I always advise the retiring professionals that I coach is to take a physical and mental time out after retiring to detox from the old life.

I'm not good at relaxing. I've only taken one vacation in my career that was longer than a week. When I go on vacation I typically overschedule our itinerary. However, there are two places I've been where I could totally relax and both are on the northern coast of CA. The first is Jebediah Smith national park near Crescent City CA. The first time I visited there I thought I was in heaven--huge redwoods almost blocking the sun, giant ferns, wild orchids and perfect silence. There is a dirt road thru the park and several hiking trails. It's rare to see another car on the road.

The other place I've gone where I could really relax was Mendocino CA. Shel and I stayed there three times in the same B&B. http://www.jdhouse.com// We booked a room on the second floor in the back in a new annex. The room had a 180 degree view of the ocean, a porch and cross-ventilation that provided cool ocean breezes all day long. Mendocino is a tiny village with a great bookstore, nice pub and awesome bakery. I spent hours in the room with my feet up reading a good book and alternately just staring out the window.

I think there's a June trip there in our future!

Birth date challenge

Would love to get some comment traffic going on this blog!

I'm re-reading Angeles Arrien's book, "The Second Half of Life". In it she recalls that there is an ancient European custom still practiced in some parts of the Spanish Pyrenees mountains that encourages people to celebrate their birth date each month for a year by doing something that they've never done before to celebrate the process of re-birth.

Since my birthday is May 2, today would be a birth date for me. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of what I'd like to do new today when it hit me that I did something this morning that was new--I said no to a work request. Yep, my first. Drew a line and said, "thanks for the invitation, but I don't think that's a good use of my time." Short-timer?

What will you do on your birth date this month that is new?

Last stops

I continue to be intrigued about traveling across America, altho I am clear that it would take a miracle for that to happen as one trip. I've lived in so many places--in chronological order: Streator IL, St. Louis MO, Streator again, St, Louis again, Streator again, Oxnard CA, Midway Island HI, St. Louis again, Cincinnati OH, St. Petersburg FL, Plano TX, Burlington WA, Streator again, Mesa AZ, Payson AZ, Mesa again, Wake Forest NC, Chapel Hill NC, Wilmington DE, Dallas TX, New Market MD and Mt. Vernon WA! Every place I lived I explored the surrounding area and saw so many cool places. I'd like to revisit them as well as hit some of my favorite vacation spots (northern CA) and places I've never seen (national parks).

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

~Marcel Proust

I believe this stage of life has given me new eyes (as well as bifocals!)