Last day at EY

It's been a very long time since I posted on this blog--mostly because I have been developing my new website/blog: www.coach-craft.com. I've also been wrapping things up at EY. I transferred files I wanted to keep to a flashdrive. What a trip down memory lane. As I scanned each doc deciding what was worth keeping, it was like looking at old photos and recalling the past. Lots of hard work and, for the most part, good stuff. That reflection precipitated a real low until my youngest son (bless his heart) reminded me that my capacity to generate good work won't stop with EY. It belongs to me and is portable! Can't believe that was new insight.

I really let go of the pace, the work, the deadlines, etc over the month of May, which was a good gradual transition. On June 8th I delivered my "last lecture" to a group of Lead DCs and coaches. I will post it separately. On June 13th I had the party of all parties in Chicago. I could not even have fantasized such an event. It was perfect. Everyone celebrated. It will always remain a special life memory. Yesterday, I did a quick good-bye on a DC Network call and my voice broke just saying the word "good-bye". People have been so incredibly sensitive to how hard this transition is for me and have given me so many chances for closure.

So, today is it. I. fortunately, have my youngest son, his wife and two kids ages 7 and 2 here with all their big energy. They will carry me like a huge wave over the finish line. I'm sad, happy, tired, excited, scared and grateful all wrapped into one. I thought I would end this blog today, but today is just an event on the transition continuum. I will continue to blog about what surprises and delights me in the transition hoping that readers will benefit.

no pressure

It's been awhile since I blogged--mostly due to computer issues. I'm in the home stretch with less than a month left of work. I stopped setting the alarm. I wake up naturally to the birds and sunshine around 5 AM. There's a smattering of appointments on my calendar and one big project to finish. The pace is relaxed and I look forward to my calls as a chance to connect with people I care about and an opportunity to contribute. I wonder if it was always possible to approach work with this mindframe?

I had a session recently with a retiring partner and we were discussing life after EY and got into defining core values. Mine is definitely "contribution". The trick in retirement is to figure out how to express your core values in a new context. I can still contribute professionally via my writing (book, articles, blog), my coaching supervision (have 3 contracts already), occasional work with EY and some consulting with companies wanting to start a coaching practice. But the biggest shift--and I suspect the most satisfying--will be in how I contribute in my personal life. I'm really looking forward to more time with family and friends, focusing on my own health and fitness, my art and jewelry, cooking, whole days of reading, travel, genealogy research, gardening...and even housecleaning!

Life is good.

the voices

Followers of this blog are going to think I had a psychotic break! The message I'm getting lately is "take your time." I have several opportunities brewing for work post-retirement but I am not committing to anything. Several months ago the thoughts of having an open calendar really made me anxious. Now it feels like fresh air. I trust I will know the right thing when it shows up. In the meantime I am following my own advice and just taking care of myself. What a luxury to have this sense of openness to fall into.

Drained

I went to Oklahoma over Easter weekend to attend a party for a cousin who has prostate cancer that metastasized to his bones. The party itself was fun and he appreciated seeing me. Going there was definitely the right thing to do but I have been emotionally drained since then and I don't think it is directly related to telling him good-bye. This sounds really out there but I've had an overwhelming sense of someone stroking my hair and saying, "just rest." And resting is about all I can do. I'm exhausted.

I went from Oklahoma to a conference in Santa Barbara with coaching colleagues. Normally, I love the networking, but found myself putting people in two camps--those I would make the effort to stay connected to and those I would probably not see again. The sorting process made me sad. This seems to be a period of discernment for me where I am getting very clear on what and who is important to me. I hate to use the word "outgrowing" because it sounds like I am "better than" or "superior to". I don't mean the word in that sense, but I do feel I am outgrowing people and things in the sense that they no longer fit for me.

The Hudson Institute calls this transition phase "Cocooning". The old self dissolves before it can re-organize into something new. I sense that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to turn a caterpillar into a butterfly. Right now all I can do is "just rest".

Shifting

My boss just left a group voice message to his directors and one of the phrases he used was "what you wake up each morning thinking about" referring to each of our areas of responsibility. I'm aware that it has been some time now since work was the first thing on my mind.

I think of the visual of a trapeze artist suspended in mid-air that William Bridges uses in his book Transitions. That's me! I haven't let go of work entirely but I'm not attached to it. I have a couple projects I am still interested in completing but if someone else were to take those on, I wouldn't feel a loss. I really couldn't imagine ever feeling this way, but little by little I've uncoiled my grasp, let the feelings sink in and realized that I am okay. I used to think that the trapeze artist in mid-air would be a scary place to be. It's not. I feel suspended, light, floating and not a bit scared.

I thought I knew what the next trapeze was. I don't. And I am fine not knowing and in no rush to grab anything.

Whew! :)

Greek proverb

"A society grows great when old men plant trees
whose shade they know they shall never sit in."

Reading this brought me to tears today. That's the challenge in aging, isn't it--contributing to the future even tho you won't personally participate? No wonder I find such sweet comfort now in the time that I spend with mentees and with my children and their children. There's wonder and delight in the conversations and slow silences. There's comfort even in knowing that they, too, will struggle and even suffer, but ultimately sit in the shade as I do now.
        
                       

Countdown

Just changed my screensaver to read "3 more months..." I have 43 more working days, which doesn't include vacation, holidays, training, travel or conferences. We had a great team meeting last week where as part of a visioning exercise for the team, they wrote and read letters to me dated May 31, 2013--a year from my retirement. There were lots of tears and testimony to what I created and what I meant to them personally. I doubt if they will know how much that meant to me until they reach this stage in their careers. How blessed I am to have these people in my life!